Care

Recently I wrote something to the effect that, I would care for all that cared for all, “I will care for the machine, the physical or the energy that care for others, that care enough to stop the sacrifice.” I now realize that within this statement, I was judging some to be worthy of being cared for while others not. I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge others as not caring and thus not being worthy of being cared for. I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in judging others as not caring and thus not being worthy of being cared for, I was judging myself for not caring, and judging myself as not being worthy of being cared for. I now see, realize and understand that caring for others begins with caring for me, all of me.

It’s cool these days the immediacy within which one is able to test self to see if our words are aligned to our deeds, basically gifting ourselves opportunities to understand points, where and how we stand and/or still lie. Last week, I had planned to go to the hot springs in central Taiwan, camping with others. Then, the day before we were scheduled to leave, my dog friend suddenly began limping as though she was barely able to walk. I realized that she probably required to be cared for at home, and that perhaps she was even faking it to an extent so that I wouldn’t leave here behind. I made the decision to stay home and care for her; not because felt caring, but because I have committed myself to the point of caring.

In other words, what I am beginning to realize about care and caring for another/others is that I don’t require to experience a feeling of caring to move/apply me to care for another, others or me. Care, in practical application I would say is a verb of doing, not an adjective of feeling. This is a cool realization for me because I have often wondered and even searched within me for that feeling of “care,” going so far as attempting to create it. When my father died, I did once cry, but that was of a decision I had made because I thought it was what I should do, what normal people did.

Yea, so although I have on occasion created the emotional/energetic experience of caring for/about others, I didn’t really find it within and as the nature of me. However, since I have been addressing this point of care from various dimensions, and I now realize that I do not require to feel an energetic experience of care “to care”. I see that I am able to live care as an application/commitment of doing, thus  perhaps changing the nature of me to one that cares.

In looking back at how I’ve been moving me over the last several years, I see that this is what I have been doing, changing me, step by step. I commit myself to caring for me as I would have all care for me, and from here, expanding me to care for all as me. I guess applying care begins in the small of every day in how we relate to each other, all. This point, I will hold onto and apply until caring becomes part of the natural expression of me. For more on “Care”, see the following link/links. https://eqafe.com/series/3-reptilians?page=9

Desteni

Day 106: Seeing me in Others

Last night, I ended up going over to a friend’s house for the purpose of giving him some legal advice on a case he is perusing against a certain organization/business. My advise was simple: accept whatever their next offer is or may be and walk away. In the course of conversing with him and looking over what he had written, it occurred to me that his writing had improved substantially since the last time I saw him some 5-6 months ago. It also occurred to me that his writing style was somewhat similar to the style I use for persuasive legal arguments, and that he had in some ways, changed. He was calmer and a better listener then I had known him to be in the past. Later, I realized that what I was seeing was me in him, and that it was I that had changed. Perhaps he too had changed; it’s sometimes difficult to say for certain because when I change the whole world around me seems also to change. Recently, I’ve been seeing this more and more: myself in others or others in me. It’s a seeing or viewing that I welcome because it gives me the chance to see where I have changed and where I’m still not moving/progressing. My idea of oneness and equality is that, the understanding of all is equal and one, and within this, all will be free to express within and as that which is best for all. Obviously we have a ways to go, yet I would say that the train is moving. I would also say that I still have a ways to go before I am certain of the tracks/path on which to walk. In terms of the walking part (walking without or with fewer thoughts, feelings, emotions, Reactions…), I will once again say I’m making progress with my breathing, and in understanding and changing my mind/beingness/physical relationship. However, in terms of whether or not my actions/deeds are always what is best for all or even best for me, I’m sometimes uncertain if it’s me as a being directing me, or if it’s still my personality/ego.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to participate within/as doings/deeds within which I was clear that I was directing me, yet unclear as to whether the my direction was supportive to/for me or another. I see, realize and understand that in letting go of polarity definitions of good/bad, wright/wrong, etc., I am left with just me to direct myself. It’s interesting because in facing points where I have fallen before, there is the chance I will fall again, and/or see where I am standing and where I’m still stalling. Herein I commit myself to carefully explore the points wherein I am unsure, and to not allow myself to manipulate me into believing that I am facing a point when in actuality I’m just walking back into it.

Day 105: Anxiety, Anxiousness, Excitement…

As I’ve stated many times before, although it may appear in different shapes and sizes, it’s always only just Fear. It comes, and even though I rarely give it more than a fraction of a second to check what it’s pertaining to, it often still lingers. Using a technique I learned here, I get rid of it or absorb it back into me. Actually, I’m not really sure where it goes, but it does go…, and sometimes return. The key that I’ve begun realizing is that it (the energy) is not who I am; of this I am certain because I am able choose not to follow it. Thus, I don’t follow it, and although my presence as energy is still often there instead of here in and as the physical, I am more and more rarely moved by it. In other words, I do what I do and am going to do, without allowing the mind energies to interfere.

What I find very interesting is that I see how this world changes, how we create from the small to the big. Yet, when I speak of it to others, there comes resistance to even the simplest of equations. It’s like the concept, the whole being equal to the sum of its parts, only applies to a 360 degree circle on a piece of paper. Move it into and as the “whole” physical reality, and it suddenly becomes a religion or a conspiracy theory, as though it cannot be because it’s gotta be far more complicated than all of us having to take individual responsibility for ourselves as points within and as the whole, and the whole as a point that we are all equally responsible for and able to change as we change ourselves. Thus as a whole, nothing gets better in this world because the mass of ignorance/abuse still far exceeds the mass of self-change that will benefit the whole. Still it’s cool (for me) because although the changes that I face and push through are usually uncomfortable, I am certain they are beneficial both in the short and long term to me and all else.

In a world in reverse, words of common-sense (of physically applied simple-mathematics) are shunned in favor of the illusions of love and light, happiness, etc., which allow the user/abuser the freedom of choice to view in a mode that doesn’t require responsibility or even physical reality, just a mind and an idea of what one cares and wants to see. I see the changes taking place in this world – for better or worse, most of it worse: the little things/consequences that so many have come to accept as norm, believing/hoping as in the past, that they will stay one step ahead of the game because they/we are somehow special. Good luck there! We then think/want to believe that there are those – at least a few, controlling what happens in this world, and so whatever happens will be theirs alone to atone. Shame that so many refuse to apply the simplest of mathematics: 1+1=2, meaning that each and every one of us are creating the outcome/sum of what is here. And even though many have sold their peace of the pie/the right to decide to another, in the end each of us is responsible for weapons as ourselves and we do decide what we accept and allow, buy and sell.

Sometimes when I am facing a point, sitting here in my house with enough food to feed ten of us, thinking that my life sometimes really sucks, the idea occurs to me that any time I could escape all of this by just embracing the ignorance – the light of the illusion. Then, in looking back at the reality of how I have been, I realize that I do not recall ever being better. So I continue, determined to see what’s really in a lifetime.

Self forgiveness on participating in Polarities

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define as positive, knowing that my schedule is flexible in the near future, and within this not realize that I was also the negative experience directed at not having a flexible schedule.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define having a flexible schedule or not being obligated to do something as “positive/freedom”, and within this not see, realize and understand that when I defined freedom as a positive experience I was also committing myself to the negative experience – defined as not being free. I see, realize and understand that “freedom” is without polarity, and thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to define space-time activities within and as polarities, and instead walk without judgment/definitions so as to not subject myself to the positive/negative poles of experience.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to define “having” to go to do something in the near future as negative, thus subjecting myself to the experience of anxiousness/anxiety. I now see, realize and understand that by defining my Time as positive/negative, I tie myself to time and thus abdicate my responsibility to direct myself in/as the present/moment. I also realize that to be responsible within and as self-directing me is to be simply be here without polarities – without charge. When and as I find myself defining time or anything else within and as a polarity, I stop, breathe, let go of the energies, and direct myself to accomplish what I’m doing, stable, without energy.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness in my solar-plexus area, and within this not see, realize and understand that I have the ability to stand equal to this energy, and direct it so that I am not moved by it. When and as I find myself at the point of feeling/experiencing energy accumulating within/as me, I take a couple of breaths, and direct this energy as me.

Day 101: Shame Rant

Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame on You! What you gonna do when they come for you? What you gonna do when you stand in front of that mirror, ask yourself why you didn’t stand up for your brothers and sisters – the blood of you? Where were you when the hungry cried? Where where you when the oceans died, the last tree fell, and babies cried? Where were you when the bombs subsided; what side of the two-headed coin did you choose? Hollywood, sell some cheap glue to the ghetto boys and sing the blues. Where was I and where were you; shame we didn’t arrive in time.

Inside the mind of a man who has not found his shame. It’s there, I can feel it and see it, but it’s too dangerous bring it up. The system sees shame, as with honesty, as a weakness to be trounced upon, outcast/cutoff from the spoils, nothing more for the conscientious traitors. “Go die with the ones that care enough to be what is right and good.”

• The Black hole, everyone must have one, that place we dare not go because, because, because; why?

• Why not explore the deepest of dark holes? Because of course, you might fall in, get lost and never return.

• How could I possible loose myself, unless myself is not really me, but a program designed to get me to believe it is me?

• It’s you alright, and you go down that rabbit hole, you ain’t never coming back.

• What is Shame, real shame, and why haven’t I found mine?

• Shame in the system is like having no money, or talking to people who aren’t there (unless of-course you make a cartoon out of it – in which case they reward you with money), it’s not politically correct, and you might get put away; you’ll  definitely lose ALL your MONEY! They – the system, just take it away, and your friends will refuse to even ReCogNize you.

• Shame is a lonely road where only the bold may go, and once you go, you never come back.

Day 101:

Interestingly, when I scan back through much of my life, and recall the points of wanting/needing something, striving for it and getting it, I realize that those points were all of the starting point of mind/energy/fear, projected onto a goal, leading me to physically move myself to achieve that goal. And then after a fleeting moment of relief/accomplishment/security projected onto a point of having achieved something, the next challenge/want/need/desire would come along. And so it has been: me chasing an idea/image of me that I had created in my mind, believing/hoping that obtaining these goals would lead to some form of real satisfaction/contentment/happiness that remained forever as who I am. But it never stayed because it was never me, just experiences, mined/energy defined, accepted and allowed by me because I believed it to be real. It’s a vicious cycle, believing that we are all entitled to more and more and more.

So much waste; why don’t we human beings simply open our eyes and deal with the reality that is here, instead of chasing our wants/needs/desires – fear based illusions, of the mind? Why is it that so few of us seem to realize or care that, within a closed system with limited resources, the “more” we get and have, the less there is for the rest? The statistics are easy to easy enough to read: 22,000 children dying needlessly each day due to poverty; three-billion living on less than $2.50 a day, dead zones in the ocean…, and the list goes on. In case anyone wants to know who’s responsible for all this misery, look no further than me and my TV’s, computers, cars, motorcycles…, and the rest of us who sit back in comfortable chairs, thinking, believing that there’s nothing we can do.

In the past, I have been asked “what are you going to do about it?” My answer is quite simple: change myself to become a force that stands for and considers what is best for all. The only way for All to have more is for all to equally have more, equality and oneness. It’s the way we all should have been moving all along, yet somewhere along the line we went wrong – forward in spite and self-interest to arrive at where we are now, a world in reverse. So let’s just right it by writing and walking the change.

Day 99: More on Change and the Symbolism of Words

Change, I define as the difference between two or more points. Each point/moment/breath is an opportunity to direct self to become that which One is becoming (Humpty Dumpty putting self back together again), within/as A-wareness: either here in/as the present/gift to be lived, or not here but instead lying in status as Energy/Ion separated from self, lost in the illusION / religION of the mind. Change, as in becoming what one is becoming is a point or points that no longer hide in fear within and as the illusion [ill us(ed) ION] or religion [re lig(ed) ION] of and as energy. Whether the ION experience is positive, negative or neutral does not matter because it is all of the same source/starting point of friction/conflict to transform substance/physicality into mind energy. Change is measurable as the accumulation of breath/moments: from that of charged particles/mind/ion, to awareness equal and One with all that is physically here in and as the present. From here, the obvious key is to remain here, unchanged and unchained, innocent and free of all charges.

I enjoy exploring words, the sound/physical energy symbolism imbedded into and as the words themselves. Words are part of the code by which we as human beings are programmed. What is cool is that, once we realize that our words are who we are and thus – our responsibility to and as such words, we are then (through writing and speaking) able to change ourselves to become self-directed physical beings living for and as what is best for all. In other words, it’s all in the words, and within understanding our words, we are able to self-direct ourselves to redefine/change our words, thus changing ourselves and becoming living words that create outflows that are best for all.

Self-forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every word that I think, speak and/or write will create within and as it, outflows either of consequence or that which is best for all. Within this, I see, realize and understand that to stand as what is best for all, is to be – think/speak/write, only words that will create outflows that will be best for all. In this, I commit myself to guard/monitor my thoughts, words and deeds so as to become the change that is best for all.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to in moments/breathes, not be here and as such, miss opportunities to direct myself here in/as the physical. I see, realize and understand that within this life, opportunities are limited, and within this I commit myself to be more diligent – aware of the moments as breaths, so as to move me out of the mind’s energy and into physical living.

Day 96: Energy Entity

The other day I reacted to seeing one of my posts reposed. Illogical yes, but that’s what reactions are, illogical. It was an energy-entity type reaction, not so much associated with a personality as much as it was latent unaddressed guilt for having judged myself as not moving/asserting myself equal to my ability. By, “asserting myself” I’m referring to: posting blogs everyday, writing self-forgiveness, waking-up humanity, etc. I have all sorts of excuses for not doing more, yet none of them have anything to do with what’s physically here. It’s more as though I’m waiting for something (I picked that up from one of the Atlantean interviews, and seems to fit).    I have been waiting for something; I just don’t know what it is or how long I’ve been waiting, and now I’ve begun to wonder if “waiting” isn’t just another mind construct designed to keep me stuck in limbo, just waiting for the right moment.

Getting back to my reaction: I was quite surprised because I saw myself as having just gotten over a hump – kind of like transcending some points, and suddenly there I was, reacting. What is also interesting is that, after looking at what I had reacted to, I realized that my reactions were completely unfounded – based totally on my own suppressed self-judgment and guilt. After half an hour or so I had stabilized myself, yet I realized that the cause / starting point of this energy-entity is probably still lurking within me. So, my plan is to target it with self-forgiveness while at the same time, digging deeper into what it is that I’m waiting for, why is it that I spend so much time in wait. I’ve always seen myself as being capable of accomplishing absolutely anything and everything that I determined to accomplish. Perhaps that’s the problem, deep down inside I fear exposing the image of myself as just that, an image.

One thing that I appreciate is that, the points to be dealt with, generally don’t come up all at once, they come up when I’m ready to face them. Also the Eqafeinterviews: I used to see them as knowledge and information, the secrets of the universe, and now I’m more noticing the assistance they provide. I have a budget to listen to only so many of those per month, and with a library to choose from it has sometimes been hit or miss, especially when I “think” about which ones to choose. So, these days I just look for titles that stand out/ring a bell, and this method seems to be working. Information and assistance all is right here; seeing it is just a point of standing equal to it, being ready to here.

Self-forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to react in guilt – fearing that I had been called-out/caught/busted, and within this not see, realize and understand that the point of guilt is the part of me that knows what I require to do, yet isn’t doing it. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that doing is also the point of learning to do; it’s like the chicken and the egg, they both moved at the same time, and so too must I do so as to learn how to do it; i.e., write self-forgiveness to see what it is that I require to write. Within this, I now see, realize and understand that the writing self-forgiveness is also the process of seeing what it is that needs to be written; doing it is just a question of writing and seeing what gets written. Therefore, when and as I find myself at the point of “not having an idea about what to write self-forgiveness on; I stop the thoughts and simply begin typing and see what comes out of me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as guilt for not moving myself according to my response abilities, and within this not realize and understand that it’s not necessary for me to always wait for points to come up as energy; I am able to pull them out by targeting personalities, expanding on the little points, etc., until something comes up. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only the big reactions are worth writing about, and within this, miss the little points – which are actually the big points. In this, I commit myself to stop waiting for the points to come out of me, and go inside the mind and find them.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not moving/asserting myself equal to my ability to do so, and within this not see that my self-judgment is the act of me excusing myself to not take self-responsibility for that point. I commit myself to stop this “whatever” attitude, and challenge myself to see where it is that I haven’t been.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m required to wait for the right moment at which point I miraculously manifest myself into a being worthy of life…, and within this not see, realize and understand “my own” tactics of luring myself/opponent into a state of self complacency – believing that there’s plenty of time: mind manipulation used against myself to get what the mind wants, take it easy, sit back and relax. I now see, realize and understand that the only one inside of me is me, and that my state of complacency that I’ve been experiencing for quite some time now is a state of mind, the opposite polarity of worried haste. In this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to being more than before is self movement, consistently challenging myself so as to be more than before. Herein I commit myself to at each point of comfort, challenge myself to explore more within and as what is best/more for all.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to limit my self determination to points within my comfort zone, and within this not see, realize and understand that I’ve been catering to fear of failure. I now see, realize and understand that in not pushing myself to explore more of me, I was “staying safe,” locked away in fear. Thus, I commit myself to each time I sit down to write/walk/breathe/express, take the exploration just one step further to see what’s here.

Day 95: What is Change?

Looking at humanity’s history of the usage of the word, change, I see that (like most words in this world), it has been used and abused to evoke positive images of more money, prosperity, beauty, etc. While that which physically matters such as the environment, nature, animal kingdom, people, clean air, and so forth, are ignored as if they were not living parts of all that is here. The illusion that banker/politicians and the media propaganda would have us believe is that beneficial changes for all, begin at the top, work their way down, and all that the people need do is borrow and consume. For the human race that has valued only money while ignoring what is here as life, change is and has always been a constant race to the Finish line, self-annihilation, death by consumption. The tell tale signs that we are nearing this finish line are all around us: the water and oil wells are drying up, food stocks are dwindling, and noticeably – instead of expanding the money supply inline with a growing economy, bankers/governments are printing money as though it will magically restore economic growth. It won’t, and nothing short of radical change on the individual and collective levels, is going to save us from finally reaching the finish-line of self-consumption.

Collective Change

On a collective level, real change is change that will benefit ALL aspects of life – animals, plants, humans, etc. It begins with the simple acknowledgment that All life is equal and as such, fighting for the right to have more is a crime against life. Nothing is separate and thus correcting the whole requires addressing needs of each individual piece of the whole. It’s a process that must be walked in space-time and will require that we let go of much – all that we once perceived ourselves to be – as in separation. 

I started writing this with the intent to define change so as to benchmark my process. I now see that change as in where I’m heading is undefined. Interesting.  I have been walking this process of change (with Desteni) for some time now. It’s a cool journey that isn’t always pleasant because it’s a process of letting go of that which I once beLIEved was me; writing-out the pre-programmed aspects of me, forgiving/deleting them so as to let them go, writing the new program in the form of self-corrective statements, and then walking these statements to the point that they become me.

Self forgiveness

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to desire and search for a definition of “change,” and within this not see, realize and understand that change within/as life is to be lived – not defined. For what is the difference between two points but the steps that are walked in between. Within this I see, realize and understand that no one tell me what change within and as me is, because I’m the one who must walk/live it. Herein I commit myself to let go of my preconceived ideas of change, and instead just live in/as the points where I happen to be.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that change would be easy, and within this not realize that to reverse me, I must first stop me by letting go of that which I thought was me; everything.
• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to secretly believe that I would be able to hold on to some aspects of me, and within this still not get it – if I have to hold onto it, it isn’t me. Here, I commit myself to explore those aspects of me that I have judged as worth holding onto, and see what happens when I let go of them.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and idea that, the consumer/human race ends with self-consumption, and within this not see, realize and understand that – like me, the future is ultimately determined within/as the present, and as such we are able to change it.

Day 92: Why do I write similar Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements over and over again?

Writing the same statements over and over again makes it appear as though I am making the same mistakes over and over again, which leaves me exposed as being less than I have imagined/ portrayed myself to be. So, why do still it; because (as is seen from the statement above) my ego still has a hold on me. Consciousness – the autopilot program by which I’ve produced an image of me has backups, and as soon as I redirect one point the backups kick in and attempt to override the new settings. Thus, I reinforce my new position/stand by rewriting it as many times as necessary and by living that which I’ve written so that it becomes my nature, a natural expression of me. It’s like disassembling myself while at the same time recreating myself: from a being that feared, bowed and begged, to one that which stands and walks. Changes that I’ve lived for only a short time are like wet cement that’s just been applied to a hole in the ceiling. Much of it may fall down; so I apply more, and I keep applying until I as that point is covered and solidified. The ceiling which is also a floor is me in the process of standing and walking through the world system to change me and the world system at the same time. Simply tearing-down the ceiling/me to build a new one is not an option because I require the use of the ceiling/floor to be able to function in this system so as to change me and the system from within. As I see it, it has to be done in such a way because I/we are the system/problem, and thus we must become the solution, re-creating ourselves from the inside out.

On another note, have almost 3 more weeks left of not working, called vacation. Yet it’s not really a vacation because these days I’ve only been working 3 days a week anyway. I actually prefer my working weeks. This Saturday, I will go for a drive to visit some places, go camping and sit in some hot springs. Then I’ll come back and take my wife to Chayi to her father’s home, for the New Year gatherings.

• I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself as ego to interfere with my process of change – my process of eliminating me as ego. I now see, realize and understand that the points where I concern myself with what others may perceive of me, are points of ego, based within/as fear. Herein, I commit myself to write/walk through these points until I have nothing more to hide.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in making the same or similar mistakes, not see, realize and understand that just as it took space-time for me to program me to act in certain ways, so to will it take space-time to remove the program and change the nature of me.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use imagination to create an image of myself, and within this not see, realize and understand that a picture is always of the past.