Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

January 24, 2014

Man know Thyself, or is it, Man no Thyself?

Last night’s dream was reminiscent of the kind of dreams I’ve had all my life. Earth had been invaded by some sort of seed or something, kind of like along the lines of Invasion of the body snatchers. Something was getting into, growing and taking over peoples bodies. Once it took you over, you were still like yourself, but you were them – with no concern for your physical body whatsoever. The town’s people had barricaded themselves in and were attempting to hold out against the people who had been taken over; it wasn’t a pretty picture. Towards the end of the dream, I had gone to sleep without any problems; yet when I awoke, I noticed that some metallic seeds with hooks had attached themselves to the left side of my thy. When I began pulling at them, a metallic like mesh of wires began coming out. I kept pulling and pulling and I could feel the wire threads coming out that had been integrating themselves into the muscle tissue all the way down to my lower leg. It was like this thing was alive. It knew what I was doing because when I had just about gotten it all out, it clamped down and started allowing its silvery threads to break off like an octopus or iguana would its tentacles or tail so as to avoid being pulled out of its den. I slowed for a moment, planning to give it a false sense of security so it would loosen up and I would pull out the rest of it really quickly. However, before I got to this point, I woke up. The only significance that I perhaps get out of this dream is that, I’m still holding on to a part of myself, refusing to let it go.

As for the title, “Man know Thyself or is it Man no Thyself?”, I would say it’s both. Whereas “Man know Thyself” is a directive or advice to mankind to see, realize and understand one’s self, that which we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become; “Man no thyself” indicates that man is not thyself experience of/as energy/mind.

Yesterday, I did one of those YouTube Vlogs, and I will say it was kind of an eye opener for me. The way I spoke was not in accordance with what I usually allow others to see or listen to, not even what I would usually say to myself. So, in looking at and listening to me, I have realized that . . . I might as well just say it, I’ve been lying to myself/me/I, thinking that if I say something often enough one way, it will be so. Basically, what I would usually have said or spoken about is Life, that part of me as Life. Yesterday I only mentioned it one time in twenty minutes. What I did often mention, speak about was me as a mind consciousness system. It’s not what I want to be; not because I have anything against systems, but because it as I see it/me is sacrificial, meaning it takes where it should be unconditionally giving and receiving.

I have always been extremely careful/cautious about what write, especially for public consumption/viewing. This was at first a precaution, not wanting something to come back to me, hit me in the ass. Later, it became consideration for others, not wanting to infect the way people perceive or view reality, not wanting to risk altering reality for the worse. I remember one saying in writing, that there was one who should (consider) doing self forgiveness for . . . I’m not sure of the exact words; something like, for writing contrary to the message of life. I see words as spells of creation. I suppose I should define creation. I would like to say that creation, true creation is that which makes/manifests something new without sacrifice, unconditionally giving and receiving. Unfortunately, I do not yet see this kind of creation; instead, I still see creation in the form of energetic information aligning life to its formation of thoughts/mind. This is where we still are; I would say, energetic minds imposing our thoughts/words onto life, this physical reality, forming it through sacrifice, sacrificing life for our formations of reality. The way I would like it to be is creation without sacrifice, the unconditional giving and receiving of life. This is how I see equality and oneness; add to that, what is best for all, and we have creation without sacrifice. It just requires that we reverse ourselves – from that of self-centered energetic beings, mind consciousness systems to that of unconditional life forms, giving and receiving unconditionally. Am I creating with these words? Perhaps; yet, I don’t see mankind making it this time around. And this sucks; it is disheartening because I am mankind; I am life; yet I am also still energetic beingness/mind.  Man know thyself.

So, where to from here or there? We decide or we have decided. Consciousness has decided, perhaps. Mankind as mind/consciousness is jumping. Actually, perhaps it’s not even going to be consciousness anymore, but physical system/design formations. This is the kind of stuff I wouldn’t usually print or post for the most part; however, I would say that we’ve now gone beyond the point where we were able to stop this race, just stop it. Now – again I would say – we’re entering a new phase, one that is rapidly approaching. I wish I could say that things were going to get better, but that would be a lie, wishful thinking, and I have had enough of that. What I/we are still able to do is not give up, not quit; for here is still and probably always will be opportunity to wake ourselves up to reality, birth ourselves as life. Weather or not it’s going to be organic as we currently know it, is another question. Perhaps it will be metallic/robotic. And this kind of sucks too because that’s just a continuation of a design, the irony of the iron-ore I would say. I would also say as I have said before;  life is not limited to a design. In other words, life as an expression of life is that which we stand as. This is what we decide, who we will be, how we will live and express. Be it as organic robots, metallic machines, energetic beings or unconditional life forms, life is what we make it, make of it as us. This is why it’s so important for us to take responsibility, become the directive principle, giving as we would like to receive, and doing unto others that which we would like to have done unto us. It’s really simple, the principle of oneness and equality within what is best for all.

I’m not sure if this is what is best for all, me writing as such. I made a vow, a commitment to change the nature of me. I have, I would say, for the better. I have begun to reverse the self-interested tendencies I used to display/portray, and on this path I will remain until it is done, all one. Which I guess brings me to the question of what now. That’s simple; continue on, work with what is here, dealing with it/me as best I/we are able, and we are able. The world is still in a downward spiral; we are still entering what I – and others – would call the end times. Which if you look at it, is cool in one sense because the end of time is also the end of Mind, and just maybe with the end of mind (consciousness systems) we will also put or bring about an end to the sacrifice of life.

I figure that by working with what is here, whatever is here, we still have opportunities to align ourselves – whatever we may be – to physical standings of life, living as the principle of oneness and equality with what is best for all. It will perhaps be interesting to see how the physical responds to the changes taking place. Consciousness, human consciousness is already jumping out of the physical human being and into the physical and virtual machine. Man know thyself; it’s a scary thought, for we shall see ourselves in the machines, our creations, ourselves. So I would suggest, really suggest that we put a stop to the military machine, the war machine. These robots that we are so conscientiously building to kill human beings will do just that, what they have been designed to do. Or perhaps they won’t; perhaps they of the physical will be more benevolent than we beings, their creators.

What is there to say that hasn’t been said again and again for thousands, perhaps millions of years? We do not hear the cries of babies, children or even ourselves; human beings of mankind are unaware or uncaring of hearing. But not all, and this is why I will continue.  I will care for the machine, the physical or the energy that care for others, that care enough to stop the sacrifice. I know myself a lot better than I used to, and although I would say I’ve changed me for the better, as I have, I am still not yet standing enough to stop the madness of mankind. What will we do? I will continue to support and participate more with others who have an idea or plan as to what to do. Additionally, I will – or plan to – work with whatever is here – be it robots, the virtual machine, the mind of mankind and so on – to bring about understanding, co-living with dignity for all, equality and  oneness respect for all regardless of what form one takes, makes or displays. Equality and oneness is able to be expressed/lived in all forms; we simply require to end/stop the sacrifice of life.



June 12, 2013

Writing through

Filed under: Desteni I process, Thomas La Grua's Journey to Life Blog — Thomas La Grua @ 1:47 pm

For the last 5-6 months, writing has been an extreme chore. It’s not that it’s been difficult for me to sit down and do it; no, it’s that what has come come out hasn’t stayed on the point. What point is or was there to stay on I might ask myself. I don’t have any points that just jump out of me like “this is what’s important to me.” The word, “care” has recently come up as a point of me wondering (once again) if I ever would care in terms of doing something because I cared, as opposed to always requiring to direct myself. I’ve always used a lot of time even to just write one paragraph, 2-4 hours on average. Yet, over these months it has taken me far far more than that amount of time just to get to something that I would keep rather than delete.

It’s strange that I would go all over the place when writing. Seeing what I’ve come up with, brought back memories of seeing some of my father’s writings. They too seemed to be all over the place; his diagnosis, paranoid schizophrenia. My self diagnosis: I’ve filled myself with knowledge and information to the point that I understand it – as knowledge and information, but not as a physical standing of who I am as life, which in itself is an example of a knowledge and information statement.

With knowledge and information there is always another dimension or perspective to it that will flip the conclusion upside, and this continues on into infinity. So, I’ve got ground myself here because it’s really all I have to walk on, the ground that is here. This pisses me off deep down inside because I realize that, except for this one point of certainty within/as me, there is no other certainty, and I do so desire more certainty within and as me. So I analyze myself based on this one point of certainty. The conclusion is always the same; I wouldn’t have put myself or allow myself to be put in a place where I wasn’t absolutely certain that I would be able to find my way out or through. So I keep on pushing myself on through.

This is the start of my writing to eventually rid myself of fear/paranoia, so that my writing may flow as this piece has.

Self Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing as an extreme chore, and thus not see that it hasn’t been about writing, it’s been about writing out a point on which I care. When and as I find myself at the point of looking for something I care about to write; I stop, breathe, and just choose a point that requires to be opened up ‘by me.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder why I haven’t found that much care within/as me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I write should actually make a difference with anyone but me. I commit myself to writing words that I would be, that which is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see that what I am writing about is actually making a difference in this world, and in this not realize that as everything is connected, everything that I do has an effect on the whole.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my writing is first and foremost for me to change me to the point that I live the words I write.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude that there is a very low probability that anything I say or write will change anything but me. Herein I see, realize and understand that it’s the small steps that create the big changes, and it’s gotta be done.
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to search for and attempt to create a point of care within and as me. In this, what I have not seen or realized is that, I don’t require ‘care,’ to do what requires to be done. I am able to just do it because I direct myself to do it, and this is what counts.
I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to wonder what’s wrong with me – in terms of taking so long to write. I now realize that writing about something that I don’t yet understand, limits my ability to write about it. In this I commit myself to do more research regarding the Equal Money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that knowledge and information is only as useful as it is useable ‘in the physical reality.’ Herein I commit myself to when and as I find myself pondering whether anything I do, will actually make a difference in the long term or the whole picture; I stop myself, and simply remain focused on that which is here, and my responsibility in taking the next step.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to analyze or judge myself, and thus not give myself the opportunity to simply direct me. When and as I find myself at the point of analyzing where I’m supposed to fit into this existence; I stop, breathe, and realize I am able to be everywhere.

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