Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

November 11, 2013

Self Forgiveness

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 1:00 pm

The last 6 months have been like the last 6 years, a journey of realizations and changes. The main points for me continue to be stopping the mind and changing my relationship to alcohol. I have come to realize that these two points are one in the same: participate in one, and I accept and allow them both; stop one, and I dis-empower them both. 

The weather’s been changing. Even the typhoons don’t seem to follow the paths they used to take directly towards Taiwan; unfortunately, other countries, the Philippines in particular just keeps getting slammed. I look at these typhoons, earthquakes and volcanoes as Earth’s attempt to balance itself for the betterment of all life on this planet. Last week here in Taiwan, we had a lot of successive earthquakes; each one being very strong but not quite strong enough to do serious damage; whereas if all the earthquakes had been combined into one, the result would have been disastrous.

 

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as moving/directing myself slowly.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed to crosscheck where I’m heading – by way jumping back to where I had been so as to compare the two positions – without realizing that I am able to check my position within every new breath.
  • I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the connection between drinking even just a little alcohol and the creation of energy. I now see, realize and understand that alcohol is a chemical substance that when consumed – causes a physical reaction that releases energy as a byproduct; thus making the process of starving/stopping the mind more difficult.
  • I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to understand that the urge that I still often feel to re-experience my alcohol-based relationships/friends of the past are but charged memories. I now see, realize and understand that these occasional urges to meet up with relationships of the past for the purpose of drinking and perhaps having fun are but thoughts of a personality system/design – not real – that I am able let go of by simply not participating in them. Within this, I commit myself (when these urges or any urges occur) to check the validity of it by walking through it – doing something else or simply releasing myself of that energy. Anything that does not remain as me is/was just illusion.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the feeling of the world being a calm before the storm, and that the conditions in this world are only going to get worse.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s best to wait and see instead of standing as the best I am able to assist myself and others to change ourselves by cooperating to direct the outflows of this world so as reduce the outflows of future consequence.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a wait and see approach to my next steps, and within this not see that to wait and see is be reactive instead of directive. Herein I commit myself to continue writing and to release some of what I have already written.

 

Desteni

 

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