Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

October 27, 2012

Day 63: Scheduling

Thursday morning, cool because I have four days off and I still have a job – that I enjoy. Basically it’s putting a week’s worth of teaching periods into three days, which is physically tasking yet fun at the same time because the students are cool and the in-classroom support from the homeroom teacher is full on. So, on I go in exploration of me so as to understand the nature of my beingness, with the absolute aim of changing me / the nature of me to that which stands for/as what is best for all – equality and oneness. And that’s about the only thing of which I’m certain of. Reactions so far this week, not so many. I stood my ground on not writing the exams unless I’m paid to do so, yet I still agreed to download them off the internet and give it someone else to deal with, compromise. I’ve been experimenting with breathing – 4 count, and up to 12 counts for deep breathing. That’s kind of cool, probably also very helpful to the physical. Since I don’t have too much to say at this point, I’ll probably focus on my studying of the mind consciousness system and its components (from the Blogs listed below). Now it’s Saturday morning, and I ask myself, what I have in writing to show for two days. The answer is clearly mixed within my unclear writings about various theories – mostly on Consciousness. I write, I leave it, come back, edit, leave it again, only to realize that what I’ve written is lacking in substance. It’s just more hypotheses, circles in search of answers. The answers are there, I’m just not getting them. So I’m going to let this subject of Consciousness go for a while. Suffice to say that Consciousness is me, not an evil “Foreign” entity, just the evil in/as me. And there’s more – questions than answers which is interesting in that where we are heading with consciousness diminishing is perhaps not yet understood within physicality. I see my responsibility as the task of understanding that which is and has been. There is a lot of investigation being done; I’m also going to investigate and check their and my results. When I began this journey, this was my approach and it has not changed; it is still a part of my responsibility to me and all as me.
The theme of this last week has been the introduction of the new DIP-Lite, within which I disrupted my recently established patterns of writing my blog and reading other blogs. I’ve also got another mind construct to do which I’ve decided to put off so as to get back on tract with writing and studying. It’s interesting about patterns and me, in that the introduction of something new is like a diversion that sidetracks me for a moment. Then I realize that I’ve gotten off track, and it all happened so quickly. In terms of me being more or less stable on a daily basis, the writing of daily self-forgiveness is a key factor. It’s kind of like taking out the garbage on a daily basis. When the garbage doesn’t get out, it causes the surrounding area to become messy/confusing.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on consciousness and within this not see/realize and understand that in focusing on consciousness as though it’s separate from me, I am participating in separation. I see/realize and understand that consciousness is me and thus it is for me to simply focus on me through writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective statements/living. I commit myself to get back into daily writing of self-forgiveness and to not allow my curiousness regarding consciousness to divert me form taking responsibility for me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see different options for participating in process, view them as distractions, and project onto them the cause of my being distracted. Within this I realize that it’s not necessary or productive for me to try at this point to participate in everything. Thus I commit myself to stick with and focus on on studying blogs/material form Desteni, and daily writing, and then mind constructs.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get set/stuck in patterns or ways of doing things, and within this not realize that patterns within which I do things on a daily basis are automated functions of the mind consciousness system. Within this I see that if I react an introduction to changes in the pattern then that is me as the mind reacting in confusion. Thus I commit myself to no longer rely on daily patterns and instead to write a daily schedule in the morning or the night before (for the days that I’m not working) so that there will be no more confusion/conflicts in terms of what I should do that day.
  • Today’s schedule: 1) Take Happy out for a walk; 2) finish writing and post this; 3) read 5 Heaven’s, 4) 5 Creation’s, and 5) 3 Earth’s journey to Life Blogs; 6) chores around town 7) watch a video/series…
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” different internally, and within this feeling project the cause onto my external environment. I see/realize and understand that the internal experiences are energetic experiences/fluctuations, and that to stop them is to remain stable in not allowing myself to internally change based on my external environment. Thus I commit myself to continue focusing on my breath and remaining stable, the same from here to here.
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