Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

October 20, 2012

Day 60: Pieces of what’s inside of me

It has been said in different ways and I agree: stop hoping, let go of everything, become self-honest, live within and as what is best for all – give unto others what you would have given, and so forth. There is nothing new about such advise, and as always it is still easier said than done. Not surprisingly, I am still finding this to be the case in thought, word and in deed. I wouldn’t say that things are getting easier for me, just a bit more understandingly controllable, which for me is quite preferable to a total lack of control. On the other-hand the more I realize how the system function, the more frustrating it becomes to watch as piece by piece we as humanity march ourselves and everything else into the fires – manifesting as consequence of our past self-interest / carelessness. The mind consciousness system is an amazing system that traps the host into its very own self-substantiated virtual reality prison cell – the mind. It’s fascinating because there are no bars, and the force exerted is apparently energy created entirely of our own acceptances and allowances. In other words, we decide within/as each breath to remain in the cell, participating in our own energy created illusions, or step out of the cell/mind and participate within/as what is physically here. The design of the system is such that it has become consciously aware of its-self, which as a system is like us on autopilot, organic robots. And the mind consciousness system (as a part of us as energy derived from our physical substance) understands that it requires us to participate in the illusion for it to continue existing. Thus the mind consciousness system will do everything in its power (which of course is limited to that which we give it through our participation) to lure us back into into the trap, the mine field. So as to the question of why there is so much deception in this world: it’s because just as our (internal) mind is mirror of our beingness, so too is the (external) mind / world-system a mirror of our beingness; what else would it be, there’s no one else here.
On the issue of “Give unto others that which I would like to receive” I’ve realized a point within which I haven’t been walking completely self honestly. It regards relationships; specifically, calling people back after I’ve missed their calls – which I rarely get these days. Quite often over the last 5-7 years I’ve seen that someone has called me, and instead of returning the call right away I would put it off until I felt like calling back. I usually justified this with, I’m just too busy or involved with what I’m doing to risk being sidetracked by this call, so I’ll call back later. Honestly, (and I’ve said this before) I’ve rarely been very particular about the kinds of people I associated with – in terms of judging them as good/bad, smart/stupid, etc. If the person liked to party, that was good enough for me. Then when I began to see an opportunity for me/us to make a difference/change to ourselves and this world, I was certain that others – those I called friends would be interested. Instead, for the most part I told by many, in no uncertain terms that my new found information was unwelcome in the conversation, that I had become obsessed, and that which I see as research was/is just part of a cult in the process of brainwashing me. It’s been probably about 5 or more years, enough research to write 2-3 theses on, and I’ve barely even touched the surface of what as the design and nature of existence is now (as I view it) in the process of unveiling or being unveiled. I’m sure that I’m welcome back into the relationship circles anytime; I never found them to be very judgmental towards me either. Yet to go back would mean (for me) a return to ignorance and or silence – ignorance of what is here as us and our responsibility to change the world to a place that values all life equally and or silence of not speaking of what is here and our responsibility to change. I’m not certain that this task/doing will be done in this lifetime, yet I am certain that I will continue until it is done. Then we’ll see.
What message to send in the days of Revelations – at least for me they are. Who will even will themselves to hear, let alone see and take responsibility? The Economy: There is little I may say that hasn’t been said by others more knowledgeable than I of Life eclipsed by an economy that has never been Eco nor even in the least concerned for you or me. We stand at the precipitous or edge of steep drop of our own making with only ourselves to thank for the opportunity to see who we really are, the nature of our beingness, the nature of you and me. I don’t see it so much as being about saving ourselves as who/what we’ve come to be, why would anyone want to do that; changing ourselves – yes, but definitely not saving. In other words, for me as I see it there is only one option – self change. Here’s a message: “Warning! Imminent catastrophic system failure! Self destruct sequence initiated – a long long time ago, Abandon ship”; or how about, “Come on now Sweet pea, it’s time to wake up, we’re killing ourselves and everything else.” As I’ve stated repeatedly, the collapse of the world money system is already underway, and it’s interesting how people such as Alex Jones continue blame what is happening on someone else, feeding the audience what they want to hear instead of what they need hear/realize so as to take responsibility, embrace equality and change. Everyone gets angry when their privileged financial status is taken away from them, yet few seem to mind when it happens to others. All around us, nature, the animal kingdom, the sun, and the sea, have always only given to us that we may one day see that we are all interconnected as one. Yet we as human beings have done nothing but take, take, and take. It’s phenomenal (a testament to the nature of our beingness) that we still refuse to see that we are the sea of life and within this seaing, stop and change ourselves to value all life equally.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated at my perception of the events taking place in the world, and within this not realize that the frustration is not due to the events taking place in the world but at myself for the relationships I have formed within and as my mind projection of myself within the world-system and my perceived lack of progress in changing my relationship towards all, from that of energy to physicality.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view the phone-calls of others from a perspective of whether or not I wanted to communicate and within this not take responsibility to be there to assist others, just in case. Within this I see/realize and understand that communicating with others is an opportunity for me to give unto others, as well as receive. Thus I commit myself to (when I recognize a number on my phone) return the call within a reasonable amount of time, and not just when it suits me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my return to the relationship circles I once knew, to be a return to ignorance and or silence, and within this not see that my relationships were not based on ignorance and or silence but on the support I felt they provided me.
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