Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

September 21, 2012

Day 44: Details & Communication

A theme that I keep hearing is, “details, details, details.” To walk out of the mind and into the physical, is to understand in detail my mind – which is said to be a mirror as the beingness of me. Thus to understand the details of my mind is to understand me. To transform from the mind directing me based on memories of the past, to me directing me in the present in/as the physical; it is apparently necessary to understand the details of the mind so as to stand equal with it. This makes sense because as it stands now most of us have no clue as to what’s going on in our minds. Thus, how could we even begin to stand equal to something we don’t even understand? So I write to see me as the mind, and then from “this” writing I’ll find that which has been written of the mind – probably most of it. From there I’ll write self-forgiveness statements (so as to delete lines of programming, Bernard Poolman), and then I’ll write self-commitment statements to be accompanied with living the changes so as to become the living statement of my words = living words. 
Today, I made and uploaded a YouTube video, the first one in a long time – more than a one and a half years. The subject was on communication, or should I say my non-usage of communication skills. I have them – for communicating within the system; I just don’t always use them, and as a result my goals concerning others hearing, seeing and responding to me are often not realized – from my perspective. It’s as though I expect others to see me as I see myself, and through this I/we communicate. Although I am making progress, I’m still not sure what is real in terms of communicating with others, and to communicate in terms of me presenting an image of myself to them is to me just a lie. Thus when communicating to others, I often don’t express myself because I have found that many will take offense – especially when the words are not sugar coated with “politeness” as in standing to the side and speaking in a round about manner. It’s strange that in society, people are required to “lie” so as to not offend. I can be efficient at it; however I’d prefer not to play that game – even if it does mean spending most of my time by myself. I do talk to people when I see them, yet as soon as I begin to speak of something that is part of something that I consider to be real within and as me/ the world / existence, they often kind of switch off. Perhaps this is a conundrum – how to get people to here a message from the starting point of an illusion based in the self interest of the mind. If you pull them out of their illusion, then you are acting as god, and all they will end up doing is worshiping something as separate from them and then fall back into their illusion as soon as the “god” disappears. Jesus apparently made that mistake by doing “miracles”, and what happened – people worshiped the man and ignored his message. Not that I am comparing myself to Jesus; on the contrary, I’m simply stating in a wondering way that I agree with the necessity for me as well as all others to direct ourselves to take responsibility for what is here as ourselves. There are guidelines on how to do this (see, Desteni), and as I’ve said before, it is a process, with no guarantees except an opportunity.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to not see/realize and understand that the devil as me is in the details, and to see the devil in/as me is to write out all the details. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that as it was within the details that I have created myself in/as the mind, it will be in the details that I reveal to myself the true nature of me. I see/realize and understand that for me to really understand and stand equal and one to the mind is for me to see the details of me as the mind. Thus, commit myself to writing out one point at a time, in detail so as to take that point to its starting point, and within that – forgive it and let it go so that it is no longer attempting to direct me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the details of each and every thought, emotion and feeling that comes up within the mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the details are not there – that I as mind simply jump from point to point without going through the process within the processor. I see/realize and understand that even though I may not always see the process, the mind does go through them and they are visible. Thus I commit myself to diligently paying attention to the thoughts/feelings and emotions, and to tracking down their origins so as to see the tree in it entirety, and apply self forgiveness, and self corrective living so as to change me to a being stand for and as what is best for all.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that communication skills do not require that I be dishonest; only that I consider the listener in relation to the words I use, so as to align my words with the culture and vocabulary of the listener, so as to convey only that which I am expressing. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my expression is often tainted with self-interest, spite, blame… Thus, I commit myself to when communicating, first clear myself of all thought, feelings, and emotions that may taint my words, and then speak or write, so that my communication is a self-honest expression of me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to see me the way I see me, without even actually even communicating with them, and within this I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to form ideas about individuals in terms of who they are. I see/realize and understand that ideas that I have/create regarding others are just that – ideas that I have created in my mind. Thus, I commit myself to seeing and hearing others, without ideas, preconceptions, pictures, judgments, definitions, interpretations, etc., and within this no longer limit/confine me/them to my mind.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself refrain from communicating with others because I didn’t want to offend them, and within this not see that what I say as an expression of myself, said in self-honesty without judgments/definitions is simply self expression that is me. Through this I commit myself to communicate/express only myself with others.
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