Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

August 27, 2012

Day 28: Fear of exposing my characters

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 12:02 pm

In the dream I get off the the train late at night. The station is dark and I think the figures in the shadows will confront and rob me if let them too close to me. I begin to run until I get to the road – where I think I’ll call my mom to come pick me up. Nut then I realize that I left her car parked at the station two days ago. I start to go back into the station, and I see dome dark figures ahead that I know I’ll have to cross paths with. I start jogging so as to look strong when I pass them. When I finally get to my mom’s car, I see that it is boxed in, and on top there is a big stack of metallic looking pipes; it’s going to be a task to get anywhere.
The first character that I run from is a point/s within me that I still fear to face – so I run from. The other characters are those of me that I also fear, yet I counter that fear with a show of strength – deluding myself into thinking that the outer bravado is not fear. The station is the place where I am not progressing. All of the characters are me, and my mom’s car is my physical body – me / my personalities/characters. The metallic pipes on top are consciousness systems that are weighing me down, making it difficult to move, trying to trap me in.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run from that which I have become – the characters/personalities that I still hide behind.
  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing my characters because I fear facing/seeing and identifying them because I realize that as soon as I identify them I will begin the process of standing one and equal to them so as to delete them one by one. Within this I see/realize and understand that it is the characters within/as me as I as mind that fear being identified.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that the only character that is real is the character in/as the physical – life as substance, and this physical/life/substance is the only character that I will accept and allow as me as the character that stands for what is best for all.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the more I run from parts of me, the more difficult it is to see the real me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that wherever I project strength I am a character that is hiding in fear behind the facade.
  • I commit myself to stop stalling, and face these characters that I hide behind, so that I may see the lines by which I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be programmed. In this I commit myself to delete these lines – word for word, until there are no more energetic relationships intertwined within and as the physical me.
  • I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to fear facing the characters within/as me, but rather to identify them and thoroughly investigate them so as to thoroughly delete their lines.
  • I commit myself to process of deleting all of the mind’s characters so that it’s just me standing here in oneness and equality with the physical.
  • I commit myself to see where it is that I project an image of strength; investigate so as to see where it is I fear showing a part of me, and to let go of that part of me too.     

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