Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

August 7, 2012

Day 26: The First Character – wrong direction, wrong directive

Having just finished reading day 79 of the Blog, “Heaven’s Journey to Life” I can definitely say that I resemble in a big way, the first character of our existence, there must be more than ME, there must be more than HERE”Apparently, so too do we all because we’re all of and from that first character, that which seek “More.” It fits right in with the way I’ve seen things my entire life, as a search, exploration for that which must be out there that is yet to be found. It’s always (as I’ve seen it) been my reason for being – to go forth and explore. Unfortunately, I/we as existence messed up with this directive because in an attempt to move/search, we separated ourselves from substance, into and as energy, lost ourselves in our own creation, interpreted “More” to be the more of – as in energy, and so have evolved only as Mind Consciousness Systems in terms of how we obtain and experience the “More” as in positive energy experience, always from the beginning in/as separation from substance/Life/physicality.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to from the beginning not question this search/exploration, why it has never been defined but always represented something over there that I just wasn’t seeing. I see/realize and understand that in that first moment/movement of/as existence I/we in separation, defined our beingnesses as the search for more, and since that first moment/movement have been lost in separation in endless cycles of searching for the more (as our interpretation) positive-energy experience.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not to see/realize and understand that everything that I’ve ever searched for in my entire life, my life’s quest has been from a starting point of searching for more (positive-energy experience), something out there. I see/realize and understand that this existence was fucked from the very first moment/movement/separation / interpretation of our reason for being. Yet we have come to see/realize and understand the nature of ourselves/existence in separation, the nature of the beast, and thus the necessity of absolute equality and oneness.
  • I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question “why” I always thought that I had to search for something out there, why I never thought to look right here at me as the physical – that which is here. I see/realize and understand that the reason I never thought to look at me as the physical as what is here is because I as IGod/mind consciousness system has since the beginning in it own awareness realized that an understanding of oneness and equality by any of its parts would signify an end to its existence as the mind, which is where we are now – in the end game.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that the reason I never looked at me from any perspective other than the mind’s is because I as mind (in control) has always only had one objective: to obtain and maintain its existence as energy within and as the experience of “more.”
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that all my characters throughout my entire life have been scripted from a starting point/objective of obtaining energy for only the mind to survive, without regard for anything other than (the mind’s) own survival as energy/mind.
  • I commit myself to terminate the search for “more,” and in doing so return me as mind/energy to substance so as to live here as life.
  • I commit myself to, through diligently monitoring me as energy and substance, the mind and the physical, direct me to “live” here, focusing only on what is here in the physical, and to stop my participation in energetic activities; I commit myself to stop the control of the mind, so as to end the separation.
  • I commit to (as a human being) thoroughly investigate and come to understand this existence, educate others, and assist in correcting our mistake/s, so that all may eventually have the opportunity to live here and express themselves in equality and oneness.
  • I commit myself to taking on and stopping consciousness, and in doing so return me as energy to substance, so as to be/exist here in/as equality and oneness – man.
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