Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

August 6, 2012

Day 24: Blame

Filed under: Blame, Desteni I process, Journey to life, Self forgiveness — Thomas La Grua @ 8:30 pm

I’d like to say that I don’t play the blame game. Unfortunately, it does sometimes play me. It’s when something is not going the way I would prefer it, that I as mind sees opportunity, looks for and too often finds someone or something to directly or indirectly blame for my negative experience. It started last week: I went to get my new 18 year old car inspected, only to learn that I had brought a vehicle that (in short) is going to costs me more money to keep it legal to drive. I’m not angry at the person for blatantly lying to me, it’s the nature of the system. The discomfort I experienced was the uncertainty of having loose-ends for which I could do nothing to amend until after the week end. I decided how I was going to handle the situation, wrote a reminder and left it. Loose-ends, wrong decisions, uncertain expenses: they began to simmer, and I started noticing little issues that had no connection to my car, coming up from my subconscious, onto which projection and or blame would seek to attach themselves. My thoughts: I’ve got to catch up on my studying and writing, the answers I’m looking for aren’t there, there’s got to be a better way to do this, who the hell am I, what is it I’m not being told… Most of the projections and or blame went toward Desteni, sorry. However, it does make sense – attack the threat. I stopped most of the attacks as they were coming up, and although it’s been uncomfortable, it has been interesting to watch the whole the thing play out over the course of about 3 days. Well, there it is for now. I don’t expect things to get easier, not at all. A guess as to why I (as the mind) would attempt to hijack the issue of my car and create issues out non issues, so as to project blame onto Desteni: I’d guess it has to do with reading aloud the Journey to Life Blogs (Heaven’s, Earth’s, and Creation’s): I take those reading quite seriously. Perhaps the mind is feeling the heat of exposure.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be influenced/nagged by myself over little issues, until I started to think/believe that perhaps they were big issues, thus giving the mind the resources to create the illusion of bigger than reality. I see/realize and understand that as I stop my participating in some points, I as the mind will look for other points with which to feed/fuel myself. I commit myself to not allowing little issues the attention that would allow them as the illusion to gain strength.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not immediately see/realize and understand the attack methodology I as mind may use to catch me off guard. In this case, the attack consisted of many little harmless looking issues coming here and there and then lingering as bothersome, at which point – projection/blame was attached, offering me the option/illusion of placing them somewhere else without me having to take responsibility for them. I see/realize and understand that that which comes from me as the mind consciousness system is me, my responsibility 100%, and that the longer I postpone dealing with a point/issue, the stronger it will become – until, if not dealt with, I become it. Thus, I commit myself to deal with all points of and as the mind as I see/find them, so that they do not become realized as me.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, even the most harmless looking points of and as the mind need to be stopped, forgiven, and released. Thus, I commit myself to curtail with the goal of stopping, i.e., no longer accepting and allowing myself to participate in such points, regardless of if they seem harmless, humorous, exciting, etc., they are harmful.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that all of the mind is a test for me to see where it is that I am still standing/participating in/as the illusion. Thus, I commit myself to view “all” mind activity as just that, a test to show me where / what part of me is still not here, so that I may align that part of me to here.
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