Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

August 6, 2012

Day 23: Lost in Time

Filed under: Desteni I process, Self forgiveness, seven year journey to life — Thomas La Grua @ 1:17 pm

If someone had told me a long time ago: where not to look, where not to go, I would have ran there just to have a look because that’s what I do. As far as I can see, it’s what I’ve always done, explore where I’m told not to go. It’s easy to fool me; just tell me the correct way; I’ll go the opposite. I’ve gotten in trouble, bitten by dogs, and lost my way – separated form wherever it was I was before. But would I have it any other way? From where I’m looking… Yep! Have I changed in that I now follow the directions and go where I’m told? I’m still lost, but at least I now have an idea of where I’ve been, how I got lost, and how to return. The way I see it is there’s only one way out of this maze, and that’s the exact way we came in – as one. Sometimes I’ll spend a lot of time writing about how I see things – my interpretations. Some of it’s probably accurate, and a lot of it I’m sure is inaccurate. I don’t post it because I don’t want people to think that I think that I have it all figured out – which I don’t “think” that I have it all figured out, just some of it. Or maybe I’m just leading myself astray by the programs of existence, I don’t know. It occurred to me today that if I wanted to test the prison of existence, I would give all the inmates, detailed instructions on how to escape. But it wouldn’t matter, because this existence is a prison in which no one escape: only all as equally as one, will be free.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to consider that information that I need to know is deliberately being withheld from me. I see/realize and clearly understand that the only information that I’ve ever accepted as valid is that which I’ve lived to understand as me, which is to say: I’ve got to figure it out / live it as me; there are no shortcuts. Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to “feel” that everything is right in front of me, but there’s something I’m just not getting – because it’s not getting through to me; it’s only knowledge and information, it’s not yet me. I see/realize and understand that while I absorb knowledge and information ever more quickly, I as the physical still require to walk/live/apply that, and that is done/lived here in space time – the point that I keep missing. I commit myself to align me as mind within and as space time – by of course, breathing, so as to become and direct the points in accordance with the principle of what is best for all.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my being lost, because it’s me that doesn’t follow directions – it’s who I am, who I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be, and I don’t want to accept that there isn’t a shorter way, “there’s always a shorter way.” I see/realize and understand that I’ve been limiting myself by thinking that I’ve been climbing out of my box of limitations, when actually I’ve just made my box a little bigger yet with the same limitation as me as the mind – reconfigured a bit. I see/realize and understand that these boxes are me not wanting to give up me as mind; they are the huddles that I/one must push through to see through the mind. Let go of everything that is mind, to be not of mind, and that is going to take at least the same amount of time that it took to build my mind. Everything is in reverse; just re-reverse it. I commit myself to re-reversing me as mind, until there is “absolutely” nothing left of me as mind – it’s the way (in reverse) that I got in to this box, it’s the way I’ll get through.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that whatever I as mind resolve is going to be laden with traps designed to lead me down the wrong path – I understand this because I’ve been there many times before. Thus, I see/realize and understand that whenever I experience emotional turmoil, it is necessary to proceed with caution, for that which is ‘felt’ is a hand dealt by me as mind and therefore not to be relied upon. I commit myself to use that which I as mind put forth as emotional turmoil, as an opportunity to walk though that point, and not allow myself to be moved, so as to transcend that point. I commit myself to bring the mind down from its quantum high.
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