Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

July 31, 2012

Day 19: The gentler face

Filed under: character acting, Desteni I process, equality and oneness — Thomas La Grua @ 9:55 pm

Yesterday while visiting a mall, there was an occasion during which I was walking by a woman, and when I looked at her and she looked at me, I in an instant unconsciously softened my my facial features. Yes, I was consciously aware as this was happening, but I in no way directed it to happen – I as life wasn’t in control, consciousness was. That my facial-features softened indicates that they must have been tenser just prior to that moment, which leaves me to question: why were my facial features tensed in the first place, and why should they automatically/unconsciously soften upon me noticing a woman? What is a normal/neutral/natural state for my facial muscles; what is normal/neutral/natural state for the physical as a whole? As I see it, as I came into proximity to this woman, I as a mind consciousness system, through an analysis of her resonance/aura/presence, concluded that her mind consciousness system had something to offer me that would (through the downloading or merging hers with mine) increase my (mind’s) chances of survivability. Thus, auto pilot kicked in, which I immediately shut it down – which is cool. What would be cooler is if I would stop analyzing the energetic resonances of those around me for the purpose determining if they may provide me with an energy experience that I “think” I want/need.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a mind consciousness system, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully take charge/control of and over me as mind, so as to instead of chasing after self-interest / energy, direct me here as life for what is best for all.
  • I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to from the beginning in and as oneness and equality see/realize and understand that the attraction I’ve experienced towards others throughout my entire life has always been me as the mind seeking gain for self only, and has never had anything to do with me expressing self within and as oneness and equality.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that that which I am attracted to is that which I experience within and as myself as inferior – that part of me (that is there) of which I am unaware.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not yet stand one and equal to the mind consciousness system, by reprogramming me to instead of chasing energies, assist in creating a system that values all life equally.
    I commit myself to continue to strive for 100% awareness, here in/as breath, and to note each time I am not here in and as breath, so that I may trace/track the points wherein which am falling, and address these points so as to no longer allow me to be tricked by them.
    I commit myself to continue to investigate “all” of the points in which I as the physical am being moved/controlled by/as a system, and to — point by point, stop accepting and allowing me to be controlled by a system. 
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