Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

July 28, 2012

Day 17: Laughter: Character or me?

Filed under: character acting, Desteni I process, Journey to life, La Grua, personality removal — Thomas La Grua @ 7:24 am

Yesterday, I went and taught a class of four 1st grade kids. Since most of the students are on vacation, it was basically me just keeping them busy. So I started out with my usual thing: what’s your name, where are you from… and I heard one of the kids say, “Earth,” which I thought was really cool because that’s what always teach them, “I’m from Earth.” I ended up having a really enjoyable conversation with these kids, in which we really laughed a lot. When I say, “laugh,” I mean real laughter, which – getting to my point, is something that I find I find that only do when I’m around children, and there are no other adults present. It’s like with children (and my dog), I get to be silly, and I don’t worry that I’m going to be judged. I still teach them English and relay to them important aspects of the world system that may or may not get through to them or be of any use to them now. I guess this is one of the reasons I’ve gone back to teaching children: it is the only time I find myself really enjoying/laughing, having fun simply by expressing myself in the same way they do – unconditionally. Why do I only do that with children? Why don’t I/we live such unconditional expressions of ourselves 24/7 ? My mind gets in the way. It sees me as somebody that I have to protect form those who would use honesty/unconditionality against me, and so I protect me by painting my face with that which I fear in others – dishonesty/conditionality. It’s a viscous cycle that I am determined to stop. Is this laughter/enjoyment that I experience/express when I’m around children, an real expression of me as life, or is it just an experience I have as one of my characters? The only way to see for certain is to stop role playing – remove all characters – 7 perhaps.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be divided into characters within and as personalities suits of the mind, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as life, here in/as physical living – but instead have allowed myself to be hijacked by a mind consciousness system which seeks only to consume substance to transform into energy for its own survival as IGod/energy/money.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and others, in that I have allowed myself to pretend to be someone / a character other than that which I am as a true expression of life here in and as the physical unconditional expression of me – without fear/prejudice, standing alone for all to see, so as for me to say, this is me. I see/realize and understand that if I am to truly stand in/as oneness and equality with and as all that is here, I must take the first step/stand/be unconditionally here, showing/demonstrating to the world that this is how it’s done – let go of your/my fears and join with me in and as self honesty.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the reason that I express myself with children, as opposed to adults is because I have accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned / suited up with personalities to such an extent that I wear and change these suits unconsciously, presenting for all to see a false image of me – fear hiding behind the masks of reality’s pictures of me.
  • I commit myself to identify each of my characters/personalities, write about them – describing and analyzing them, and doing self-forgiveness on them so as to release myself from the energy relationships bonds with which I have attached them to me, until there are no more personalities claiming to be me.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the personalities I put up in front of me are but a mirror of the mind which is not seeing what is here, but existing in relationships based on energy and its need for more energy – thus the mind will do everything in its power to see to it that I keep these personalities, using deceit, deception and lies to name but a few in its arsenal of weapons as words, thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc., to manipulate me to not give up these/my personalities. Thus, I commit myself to not allow anything to stand in my way of erasing them all from me – even the ones I thought protected me. I see/realize and understand that those personalities, all of them are and have always been just smoke screen to keep me from realizing myself/me here in and as oneness and equality.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that I alone am responsible for this process of removing these personalities from me, for if it is done unto/for me, who would I be but that of  another – not me self created form nothing. It’s my journey to me; I walk it alone, with all.
  • I commit myself to the act of dismembering these personalities, their relationships I’ve accepted and allowed to be established within and as the mind and physical me, one by one, piece by piece until it is done.
  • I commit myself to further investigating all that is available for me to research, regarding Life / Existence, so that I may understand how and why we as Life/Existence allowed ourselves to be sacrificed for but an inverted picture presentation of Life.
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