Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

July 19, 2012

Day 12

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 5:24 pm

I was just eating some raisins, and I said to myself, “Hmm, this is yummy,” and bit my lip, physically. In that same moment, I realized that I had just made a statement within and as separation. I see that the raisins tasted yummy because they provided the sugar fix that I’ve been craving over the last month. Who is this voice in my head that decides and then states, “this is yummy”? It’s me as mind, judging, defining, dictating is separation of me as life in and as the physical. Then later in the day, I was buying dinner at one of the cafeterias; you put the food that you want, in a box, and a woman tells you how much. The price, as far as I can see is based on a set of factors known only to that woman. Sometimes I think I get a good deal, and sometimes I think it’s too expensive. About a month ago, I remember thinking I got a good, and I noted feeling good about it. Tonight, I saw the price as too expensive – as though I was the loser in the exchange, but I stopped myself before going into reaction/judgment . I see that the more one participles in the transfer of money, the more one is faced with assessing the outcome: negative = paid too much, neutral = fair exchange, positive = got a good deal.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to while eating, judge the food/experience from a perspective within and as separation, as me as mind, in my head, as god looking down at the experience. Within this, I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the mind’s judgment of the experience is going to be based on what the mind gets out of it – as opposed to the nutritional requirements of the physical. I see, realize and understand that most of what I have been eating and drinking throughout my life, has been based on the experience I as mind received, and not based on what is/was best for the physical. I commit myself to, when consuming food and beverages, remain here as breath in and as the physical, and not allow me to participate in separation as an experience of/in the mind. I also commit myself to when choosing what to eat and drink, do so based on the requirements of the physical – as opposed to the experience for example of eating super spicy food.
  • I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the expression of me as the physical. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to as mind/consciousness and physical, stand one and equal here in the moment and live the expression as me as life. I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to view myself as an experience, but to remain here in and as breath.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when exchanging money for goods and services, participate in the mind’s polarity game of winning and losing. I see, realize and understand that by participating in this game – accepting my fate as winner or loser, I am trapping myself in the polarity cycles of desire, judgments, definitions, etc., and preventing me from living – expressing within and as oneness and equality (the mind and the physical, standing as one). I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to (while participating in the money system) play the mind game of defining myself as the winner – looser of the game. Once I make a purchase, that’s it – no judgments.
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