Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

June 22, 2012

Day 42: Why is Irrelevant

It’s funny because for so long, I’ve had this question – “Why are so few people able to hear/see the message of Desteni/Existence?” It’s like so many of my other questions of mind that I’ve had a lifetime of tendency to ask – always the most difficult questions, for which I’ve rarely received any answers; that is until I crossed paths with Desteni. Looking back at me asking some of those questions; I rarely expected answers – they were more for me to force myself out of my standing of fear, and perhaps to rattle some – whom I perceived, might think me out of place. As with then, I still have many questions; but now at least I’m certain as to where to find the answers – right here within and as me, the who I am in each moment. I spent the first three years studying the Desteni material, from the stand-point of looking for the angle. And had the message been anything short of absolute Oneness and Equality, I’d still be searching for that angle. Thankfully, I’m no longer searching for answers – those will be found in the who I am (or am not) in the moments to come. As for angles, I’ve got plenty to go around; the most prominent as I see it is, “why am I doing this? Because it’s logical and right” That’s me as the mind. I could also say, “for existence,” but that wouldn’t be completely true, because I don’t even know who/what existence is. For the people? Maybe, but to be honest, I sometimes wonder if these acquaintances of mine aren’t just avatars, and the real version of them is in some other dimension doing what I’m doing and seeing me in the same way I see them – I can’t even wake them up! Earth, nature, and the animals? Most definitely; they’re at the top of my list of reasons to walk through Hell if necessary – to realize equality and oneness. But, there’s one more aspect that I seem to be getting out there – the aspect of this process being an adventure, the journey of a lifetime and more – the chance to face all that I’ve ever feared, let go of everything; and in the end – which is also the beginning – no longer be just a question.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that I am able to make a difference in this world/existence, and all that I need to do is be aware within and as each and every moment – here within and as breath – so as to push through the resistances, so as to reprogram the mind, so as to align all that I am – here within and as the physical–to that of equality and oneness, so as to stand as an example and assist in creating a new world-system based on the principle of Equality and Oneness, and so on. Definitely cool!

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be here within and as the physical, but conveniently unaware of all that the physical is, consists of and as; and within this, being here but unaware, have allowed the mind, which I once thought was I, to reign misuse and abuse unto the physical, as separation.

I see/realize/understand that I have been unaware for far too long, lost a way, hidden in the fog; and now as the haze clears, there is no place to run and no place to hide from that which I have accepted and allowed in the name of the mind. I am here! I am here! I am here! Within and as this stance, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow the luxury/spite of procrastinating, pretending, catering, indulging, and all those other adjectives that add up to “wasting time.” I commit myself to directing me to stay on this path which I am now clearly beginning to see; so as to strive, together with the group to get these tasks done – step through that little hole in the needle, and see to it that this world is a place of oneness and equality before I die. That’s my commitment to Life.

When and as I find myself at the point of pretending that I am incapable of pushing through resistance and assisting me as existence, I stop, breathe, and realize that I wouldn’t be here is I wasn’t fully capable of doing this. I see realize and understand that the points of resistance are the doors of invitation for me to push through. Resistance is just a program – it’s not real and it’s not me. The key is me within and as the realization that the resistance is the illusion to be walked through. Focus on breath, what is best for all – equality and oneness. Just as I (in looking at the message of Desteni) would have accepted nothing less than absolute Oneness and Equality; so too will those as me, accept nothing less – of me.


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