Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

June 13, 2012

Day 37: The Search to Understand Everything: The Search must End

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 4:25 am

Almost without fail, I’ll be reading or listening to material posted by Desteni, and I will (once again) have this same urge to show this material to another: “Look at this! These are answers, solutions, information, and knowledge that you will not find anywhere else on the Internet.” “You go through your lives, without question. Why?” Why, after years of trying, I have still not (face to face) met a single person that has embraced (so as to absorb and understand) this material the way I have? Why don’t they ask the questions I ask? Why do I want / feel as though I need others to ask what I ask and see what I see? Why do I desire/want/need to understand and know the answers to ‘everything’?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that my urge/want for others to see what I see is me within/as ego/mind searching/moving for conformation of my correct/superior position, and that it is this movement/search/war for reward that I create friction / consume substance to fuel my continued existence within and as Mind. I see/realize/understand that for me as mind to stop abusing physical/substance, I must stop searching (for reward). When and as I find myself at the point of participating within and as mind-movement, I stop, breathe, and hold that point within and as me, so as to see/realize its origin/motive. Wherein that origin/motive does not support oneness and equality, I forgive myself as that point, and direct me so as to no longer accept/allow/participate within and as that point/search/motivation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to know the answers to ‘everything,’ and for (within and as this motive) instigating a search to understand/be everything. I now see/realize/understand that within and as this “search” for understanding, I missed the simple fact that to understand, one must be one with and equal to that which is understood. For me to understand, I must be one with and equal to that which I am understanding. Understanding is not to be searched for and found; it is to be lived, one with and equal to that which is understood. Thus, I stop searching for the answers to all of existence, and I begin living one with and equal to all of existence – oneness and equality. The search ends when the living within and as oneness and equality begins. Thus, I commit myself to use and practically apply the tools – information and knowledge – that have and are becoming available, so as to begin practically living one with and equal to all that is here, so as to (within and as oneness and equality) understand all that is here.

Leave a Comment »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: