Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

June 12, 2012

Day 36: Who’s side am ‘I’ on?

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 3:45 pm

I woke up this morning, thinking: “Why am I doing this?” The answer, I thought: “Because it is logical and right.” And then I thought: “Who’s side am I on? Who’s side am ‘I’ that think / diminish life, yet side with life because it is logical and right?” I write for the freedom of life – the right to exist within and as equality and oneness – with or without the mind. I do this because it is logical and right. I have no illusions (within the illusion), of who/what I am. I understand that there are two sides of this equation – that of the mind within and as which Time is finite, and that of life who has yet (as a whole) to even realize that Time is Mind. Who am I? I am Mind within Life / Life not yet standing one with and equal to Mind. Let go of everything that I ‘thought’ was me, to realize that I have given up nothing at all, because that which can be given-up is not and never was but an illusion. I always wondered (like in the movies) what it would be like to wake up and realize that I was a robot; now I know. So let’s continue with this journey / exploration into the darkness to the end of Time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see / realize / understand that the right to participate within and as the mind as energy is the right to spite life, and therefore is not a right, but a wrong. I see that life does not require energy to exist, and that that which does, is not life. Thus, I will continue this process of stopping me as the mind, so that life may express within and as oneness and equality. I breathe as I write, walk, and stand.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see / realize / understand that my forward movement – always moving from place to place in search of reward is and has always been for war, consuming the physical so as to receive my reward – the momentary ‘more’ of the negative-energy experience of me, defined as positive. I now see / realize / understand that my undefined ‘search’ for ‘something more’ has always just been a search for more energy. This search must end, and I as the mind within and as this search / consumption of energy must stop. When and as I find myself at the point of moving in search of something more, I stop and breathe, because I now see that that search ‘more’ is what has separated me from me, and prevented me from living and expressing within and as oneness and equality.


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