Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 25, 2012

Day 26: The ‘More’ negative-energy experience – defined as, positive-energy experience

I’m beginning to see how and why from the start of time, I/we internally as the mind have been moving ourselves within and as a starting point of friction or negative-energy experience, searching for the ‘More’ negative-energy experience – defined as, positive-energy experience. And how we have created the External/money-system in the image and likeness of the Internal/mind. Just as I/we from the moment of conception start moving/feeding off the physical substance/life in and as the human female body, so to does the world system of money feed off the physical substance/life/Earth so as to have the ‘More’ energy experience.
For a ‘More’ detailed explanation, see: “Heaven’s Journey to Life.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that my search for excitement/fulfillment has always actually been my mind’s search for the ‘More’ energy experience – defined as ‘positive’. When and as I find myself at the point of searching for excitement, I stop, breathe, and realize that this search for excitement is the mind’s means of placing me in a situation to create friction so as to extract energy from substance. The key to stopping this cycle is me, remaining here within and as breath, and not allowing myself to participate within and as the reactions/illusions of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself see/realize/understand that the starting point within and as me as the mind’s search for the ‘More’ positive energy experience was/is my mind’s addiction to that positive energy experience. Withdrawal symptoms/reactions – fear, uncertainty, etc., are of the mind’s arsenal. The key is me, remaining here within and breath, and not allowing myself to be drawn into the Ego’s trap – traps which are specifically designed by me as the mind to entrap me. To avoid the trap is to not participate within and as the illusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that my movements as a human being have always been from a starting point of me as mind, seeking first to survive and then to thrive.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that for me as the mind to survive and thrive, I as a human being whither and die. And so it has been throughout time, the mind converting physical/life/substance into energy, sucking it dry until we as human beings shrivel-up and die. But in the end with the last breath, whereas the physical/life/substance return to its origin-Earth, I as an individual mind (without an energy-source/the physical human body/battery), no longer exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as a system/mind that feed off of physical substance/life/me, like a parasite that feeds off of its own flesh and keeps eating and eating, believing that it must to survive, until its last breath – only to realize that… To hell with that ending: I choose to just stop this energetic experiment and return to a state of equality and oneness, where time is not an obstacle, and the only value is life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time enjoying the benefits of having a “More’ or positive energy experience, leaving others no choice but to endure the negative, not seeing/realizing/understanding that I as a singularity-separated from the whole am that parasite feeding off of the whole/me. Not seeing that those who have less – also singularities separated from the whole/me – are me. We are all parasites feeding off of the whole/physical substance/ourselves so as to have our short energetic experiences we call life. But how can this be life if it does not last the test of time?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a go slow approach (like a train slowly building up speed), because – not yet trusting in me, not yet certain where the words are coming from – I fear that the words will outpace my deeds, and so I justify. But, what would I have others as me do if I were on lesser/negative side of world money system? When and as I find myself at the point of justifying why I am still accepting and allowing me to abuse life, I stop, breathe, and move me towards a standing that will stand the test of time. I realize that I’m not going transform me overnight. It is a process within and as which I require me to diligently move myself forward, and continue moving.

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