Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 17, 2012

Day 20 – Sleeping too much

Going to sleep and waking/getting up
Going to sleep/getting to sleep has only occasionally ever been a problem for me. Lie down ‘in bed’, go to sleep immediately or lie awake; it’s rarely ever made that much of a difference to me in terms of ‘how I slept.’ Getting up has also never been a problem – as long as I had a ‘responsibility’ which required that I get up at a certain time. These days, the only thing that I want to get up early for is so that I can get some writing done and so that I don’t sleep too much. But lately, even though I tell myself that I want to ‘get up’ at say, 4:30am, I’m not actually out of bed until a later time. Waking up is not a problem; it’s getting out of bed. I realize it’s just a question of exercising a bit will, but lately I’ve chosen to give in to the my mind’s desire instead, and allowed myself to sleep more. This in itself wouldn’t/doesn’t really bother me, but I do see that it’s not assisting me. On the other hand, sleeping only 4-6 hours per 24 hour period does assist me. By, ‘assist me,’ I’m referring to that which assists me to slow-down the mind activity, and get more done, have less pain in the joints, etc . In slowing-down/stopping the activity of me as the mind, (the thoughts that are in separation with what is here – the physical), I am in effect reducing the ‘separation’ between the physical and the mind; thus, bringing me closer to the state of equality within and as me – as physical substance that is here, and the me – as the mind that is the illusion…

The way I see it is: the more sleep one gets, the more the mind is able to recharge itself. What I’ve found is that a fully charged mind – eight hours of sleep – is a noisy mind. By, noisy I’m not just referring to thoughts, chatter, images, etc., that have more potential/power to come up during the day. No, I’m referring to that sound that a fully charged mind makes. It’s like a high pitched ringing, which I almost always hear, all around my head region. The closest sound that I can relate it to is sound that electricity makes as it courses through high tension wires. Anyway, the point is that, I’ve been allowing myself to sleep too many hours, and not get up early enough. So, I take responsibility for this pattern/program/system of and as myself, and I deprogram me so that I as the physical am no longer directed by me as the mind – automated habits, patterns, definitions…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see this process that I’m walking, as something I do when it’s convenient as opposed to that which I do because, it’s my responsibility. Whenever I find myself at the point of not moving myself to change me, because I’ve defined the occasion to be inconvenient, I stop, breathe, and remind myself that, the inconvenient part is me as the mind, making excuses. Therefore, as I am in a position to make a difference, I will make a difference. So, I simply stop the excuses and move myself to do that which is best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sleep more than is necessary and or beneficial to the physical. When and as I find myself at the point of giving in to the mind’s trickery/desire to sleep more, I stop, breathe and move myself in and as the physical, to get out of bed, and not be fooled/lured by me as the mind’s feelings of tiredness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that (upon waking), the tiredness that I feel within and as the mind is me, when in reality that tiredness isn’t me; it’s the mind desiring more time to program and recharge. The physical (under most circumstances) requires no more than 4-6 hours per day, of rest. The mind requires exactly 8 hours to completely recharge and program itself for the next day. Thus, sleeping 4-6 hours per day assists me to stop the program and end the illusion.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to upon waking, investigate that last thought/picture/dream, and in doing so, activate the mind’s program that was set-up while I was sleeping.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to (upon waking) be curious about that last thought/picture/dream, and within and as that state of curiousness, allow myself to be drawn into the mind’s trap of getting me to activate the program – start the process of thinking. When and as I find myself at the point of (upon waking) being curious about that dream, those pictures, etc., I stop, breathe, and I will myself not fall into that trap again. It’s always the same; my curiosity draws me in, believing that there’s something important to be gained; but there isn’t – it’s a trap. Thus, within and as breath, I remain – no thoughts, pictures, etc.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to each time, knowingly walk into this trap, because I allowed myself – wanted to believe that perhaps just this once there was something within and as that thought/picture/dream that would assist me. It’s a lie; there is nothing there, so I don’t go there.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to the curiosity trap of the mind, and in doing so, not allow me as life the opportunity to stand one and equal to the mind, but instead be dominated by the mind and its thirst for energy. Just, don’t participate within and as that first thought.


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