Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 16, 2012

Day 19

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 9:55 am

I’ve been reading the blog, “Heavens Journey to Life.”I’ve just completed day 22, and I find it – the words, the way it is written – to be very informative and supportive – to me. As with much of the Desteni material, it ‘seemed’ at first, very technical and at times difficult to follow. But thankfully, it’s written in such a way that the material/main points build upon itself and are frequently emphasized/repeated in different contexts. I found that reading it effectively meant breathing effectively, i.e., being hear in and as breath and not allowing thoughts or other distractions to come up. Sometimes I’ll finish reading a sentence or paragraph, only to realize that while I was reading it I wasn’t actually here – I was somewhere else in the mind. In such cases, I’ll go back and read it again – and again, until it is clear. For the first 15 or so posts, I found that I often had to push myself through the material. But now, that I’m getting used to the way it flows – so to speak, I find it much easier to read. .

As for writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment/corrective statements, today I’m focusing on my spice/chili addition. For a long long time, now, I’ve been putting chili / hot-sauce on everything that I eat, except sweets. It’s as though the flavor alone of what I’m eating is just never enough. Sometimes, I’ll even drawn out the flavor of what I’m eating, simply because I like/want/need the heat of the chili. It’s as though I have a craving for something that needs a fix, and that fix is the hot, fiery flavor of chili. The fact that I put chili on almost everything has never bothered me because I have enjoyed the taste/sensation that chili offers, and it’s almost never been difficult to come by. But, why do I like chili so much; why do I put it on almost everything that I eat? This point (unlike consuming alcohol) is not something that stands out as a harmful habit. But, what is a habit, if not a program?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to to eat only food that has high amounts chili in it, and within this not see that my desiring spicy foods is the same as me desiring to have ‘more’ of an energetic experience. When I find myself at the point of desiring spicy food, I stop, breathe, and do not allow myself to participate within and as desire of wanting more. Instead, I move me so as, eating is no longer a defined experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I enjoy hot spicy food more than food that is not hot and spicy. When and as I find myself at the point of participating within and beliefs of what flavors I like and don’t like to eat, I stop, and move me so as, step by step I am no longer defined/limited within and as definitions. Instead of choosing food, based on the experience, I choose food, based on the needs of the physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to categorize ‘eating,’ into and as an experience, and within that experience, accept and allow myself to seek more – a more positive experience as defined by/as a more intense flavor. When and as I find myself at the point of desiring an experience of eating something spicy, I stop, breathe, bring all parts of me together – as one, so that I am moving me – as opposed to the mind moving me to have a ‘more’ experience.

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