Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 11, 2012

Day 17

Day 17
So….you don’t like yourself, get over it and do something worthwhile that has meaning and give yourself a reason to like you. Solid advice; the only thing that I would change is the structure of the sentence, to read: So…. you don’t like yourself, do something worthwhile that has meaning and give yourself a reason to like you, and get over it. Doing something ‘worthwhile’ is a key to gifting oneself a reason to be here. But, what is worthwhile – money, happiness, love, relationship, sex, pride, success, admiration? No, these are but that which we have given value unto, at the expense/diminishment of life. The only ‘true’ value is that which values life within-and-as oneness and equality, because (simple mathematics) it is as truth, absolute and undeniable. I as a piece of the whole/one affect the whole/one, but only to a degree – my degree.

Every morning when I get up to write, Happy comes down, wants to eat, and then she wants to go out to the park to poop and smell as much as she can get her nose close to. I used to enjoy walking around the park with her; that was before they put up signs, requiring that dogs be on leashes and the poop be picked up and thrown away. This morning as with other mornings, I noticed that everyone seemed to have frowns on their faces and be grumpy. I realize that it’s not them; it’s me, and that’s why I’m writing about it – to change me so as I don’t see them (as me) as grumpy with frowns.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/categorize the act of ‘walking around the park, as a relationship-experience of positivity, neutrality, or negativity. And within this not see/realize/understand that by participating within-and-as relationship-experiences, I’m not actually living within and as what is here/physical. When and as I find myself at the point of seeing/defining an experience, I stop, breathe, and focus only on what here/physical.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others to be frowning and grumpy, when in fact, the frowning and grumpy I see in them is me. When and as I find myself at the point of blaming others for my experience, I stop, and bring everything back to me, taking responsibility for all that I experience. I stop participating in and as energy/experiences, and walk within-and-as what is here, equalizing all parts of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the believe that others will judge me because I’m a foreigner, because I don’t always use a leash, and because I don’t always pick up the poop. When and as I find myself at the point of perceiving that others are judging me, I stop, breathe, and take self-responsibility by not participating within and as self-judgments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of taking self-responsibility for my feelings of guilt: project the blame for them, onto others.

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