Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 9, 2012

Day 14

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Tags: , — Thomas La Grua @ 8:41 am

Yesterday, while slicing cucumber, I also sliced into my finger. As the knife sliced into and came to a stop at the side of the finger nail, I let out a loud painful yell. In looking at the experience of yelling, and the effect that it had on my partner, I see/realize that the yell had less to do with “pain,” than it did with anger and blame. The sound I created was within and as anger, projecting blame onto all within hearing range. I in that moment, rather than take self-responsibility for my pain/mistake, automatically chose to project blame and inflict pain onto all within hearing range, and that is exactly what I accomplished – all from a starting point of separation/dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, while preparing food, not stand/be here one with and equal to that within and as which I as the physical am participating = by not being/standing here within and as the equality of me – as thought, word, and deed: I created consequence.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self-responsibility for the consequence/s I create, but instead automatically choose/chose to project blame and inflict pain onto others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to (within and as a mind consciousness system) participate in/as automated responses, and as such have accepted and allowed me to participate within and as the illusion that I am that automated response.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand here within and as each moment of breathe, so as to move within and as the equality and oneness of thought, word, and deed.

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