Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

May 4, 2012

Day 9

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 12:46 am

I see that (in writing) I rarely go into enough depth about the points I am attempting to stand one with and equal to – a technical way of saying that, by physically writing – placing the words in front of me on a screen, I am in a sense, taking them out of the dimensions of the mind, so as to see them for what they are – words as symbols/definitions forming the patterns/programs of a mind consciousness system that I as life, the physical, one with and equal to all that is here, have for a time allowed to dominate me. Instead of going into depth/expanding on points, I often (as I just did, above) expand/ generalize on knowledge and information. Sticking with knowledge and information is sometimes fun and my secrets stay safe, lurking in the depths of my mind. So, this, “not going into depth about that which I am writing” is a barrier to the exploration/understanding of me. I have justified on more than one occasion this not going into depth, with the rational that that which I write about often deals with my relationships with others. Additionally, I fear that something that I write may one day be used – in or out of context, to harm me. Sometimes, I’ll just bury an important point in a couple pages of gibberish disguised as knowledge and information. However, I realize that this, writing around the point is prolonging this process of me getting to know me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing about me, for fear that someone may see the secret me. When and as I find myself at the point of “not wanting” to write out a point, for fear that others may see what really goes on in my mind, I stop, breathe, and continue to write – in depth, within and as complete self-honesty. Honestly speaking, at this point, I am writing for me – alone, to get to know and stand, one with and equal all the parts of me. That which I do not want the general public to see, I will make inaccessible to the general public. Thus, I reassure me as ego, that my appearance/status within a system-of-secrets is safe. As I progress, I will gradually open up self-honesty points to all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not writing in depth about me, by projecting the blame onto others, and in doing so, have not allowed myself to see/realize that that which I do not write / fear to write is that which most needs to written.
When and as I find myself at the point of fearing to write about a point or points, I stop, breathe, and I self-honestly write about that point/s, in depth. I understand that these points – the points of most resistance are the points which most need to be walked. In this, I commit myself to self-honestly walk these points.


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