Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

April 30, 2012

Day 7

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 11:01 am

For so long, I’ve had this question about self-forgiveness: “When I forgive My-self, who/what is this self of mine that I’m forgiving”? Well, thanks to the “Heaven’s Journey to Life” blog, I now have an answer that makes sense to me. “Myself is the mind consciousness-system or the mind, and I call it mine because I created it. The reason I use the word, “mine” as though I have ownership over it but it’s separate from me is because it has manifested within and as the illusion of separation. There’s more, but I’m still processing it.

I want to go, and I want to stay. When I’m away, I sometimes want to stay and sometimes I want to return. I want a home, but I don’t want to always stay there. I want the security of a relationship, but not the demands the one half of the relationship places on me. I realize that all this is just going on in my mind, and that realistically speaking, none of it amounts to anything – real. So what do I do: stay in the comfort/regulated zone (which the other half of the relationship prefers, or go for the more fun/independent/free zone – leaving the other half? Everyone always says that you can’t have things both ways. I’ve never agreed with that, the saying, “one can’t have his cake and eat it too. Why shouldn’t everyone have their cake and get to eat it too? I will compromise. Perhaps, Ill stick with my earlier plan and just spend the summer, away. That puts things off a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by the “outside,” rather than me moving me from the inside. When and as I find myself at the point of blaming/crediting my experience on my surroundings, I stop, breathe, and take self-responsibility for that which I experience.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define my self-expression as that of having or not having fun things to do, and basing those definitions – all or in part – on my physical locations within this reality, thus limiting my self-expression/enjoyment of being here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/limit that which I experience here, to experiences based on definitions of my mind.


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