Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

January 26, 2012

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Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 12:15 am

Someone once asked me if I had a dream about education. I never really considered having a dream about education because I never thought that a dream would or could change anything – and I still don’t. Having just finished my first semester at a school I started working at in September, I find me once again at a point of – dare I say – decision. This school, a religious or philosophically based school with very deep pockets surprised me. I had expected an environment in which creativity, curiosity, self expression, and equality would be placed before the usual facades associated with the “business” of education. I was wrong (in my opinion). But I wasn’t wrong to work there, because for the first time I forced me to be/participate in a system that (in my opinion) seeks to stifle youthful creativity, cage innocents, and meld children into faithful slaves of and to a system. I tried (for the first couple of months) to promote the system that not even I understood, but it was futile. Finally one day, it occurred to me that the children, whom I had thought (many of them) were the problem monster babies of this world, were actually the strong ones – the ones who refused to give-in, the ones who refused to be broken. Not having an understanding of what is happening to them and why, they rebel in the only manner they know how, by resisting all that comes their way that is not inline with their natural instincts or innocence. Once, I realized this point, the relationship between my students and I began to change. I realized that my task was to assist them to be able to walk within the system, but not be of the system. And this is exactly what I’ve been doing. But the system is well entrenched and shows no signs of willingness to give life a chance. I could spend the next twenty years there, trying to work my way into the system to make changes, but my gut tells me that’s a fool’s errand. My view is that the “masters” see the employees/slaves as wood to be burned, and when that wood is burned-out they can just get some fresh wood. The system which places money before life is the problem. An equal money system would indeed facilitate change. But, before a new system can be put in place, the old system has to come crashing down – which, from a world-wide perspective is currently happening. I have observed that many in this world are starting become clued in to what is actually taking place in this world – what it is and how it works. Unfortunately, at the same time, many seem to be entrenching themselves in the illusion even more. I still don’t understand why people can’t/won’t look outside of their boxes. Perhaps, as we are all participating in “the illusion,” what one sees or doesn’t see is simply the degree within which, one participates in the illusion. Still, an illusion is an illusion, and lost is lost – regardless of how close one might be or think he is to being without illusion. As for me, I’ve been observing me quite closely – my thoughts, actions, reactions, etc. It seems that every time I go into the mind, thinking that I’m going to control the situation, I find that I’m not in control at all. However, when I let go of the thoughts, feelings and emotions, that I’ve allowed to control me, living here becomes simple and so much more enjoyable. I’m on vacation now, but for about the last month or so, I’ve been going around and round trying to decide/plan a schedule of things to do – it has been mind boggling. Then about three days ago, my wife fell off her motor scooter and broke a bone. It was/is quite serious, causing much pain, and required surgery. Suddenly, things became calm and simple for me. I cancelled all of my uncertain plans, and focused of assisting her. I felt no regret or loss from not going to the hot springs, camping, and driving through the mountains and around the island. In fact, I am quite satisfied just being here. The point I’m making is that, had I just stayed out of the mind in the first place, I’d probably still be right here where I am now, but getting to where I am now would have been so much more enjoyable. It has been said that the point at which one experiences the most resistance is exactly where he or she is supposed to be – the point where real change can take place, the point that needs to be faced. I agree with this, and realize that it’s not necessary for me to think my way or rush into these points. I’ll arrive when I arrive.

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