Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

February 14, 2011

Follow up, on Banning an ex drinking Buddy

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 7:46 am

Since writing about banning an ex-drinking buddy, I noticed that, even though I had pushed myself to do this, I continued to experience anxiety within the solar-plexus area. The entry point of this anxiety has to do with my consideration / thoughts of the fact that I work in the same building with this person (two classrooms down the hall), three nights a week. I could walk away from this work, but it would actually be running away, so I’m not going to do that. Instead, within this writing, I am going to explore this point/s of anxiety. Then I’m going to write out self forgiveness, and self corrective statements – which will become self corrective applications once they are applied. Finally, I’m going to report my results, on a follow-up to this follow-up post. Here goes:

The pattern that leads up to the experience of anxiety
Thought projection: I see myself in the school hallway, with no choice but to pass by this person.
1) Thought: If I don’t say hi, I’m being rude.
2) Thought: If I say hi, he/I might use this as an opening to re-establish the relationship.
3) Thought: If I don’t say hi, he may become angry and confrontational, and I don’t like confrontation.

Self Forgiveness on these points
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the idea/belief that not saying hi to someone is being rude.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self, based on ideas of rules of etiquette.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as self-definition.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear re-establishing a relationship with this person.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved energetically by the thought of re-establishing a relationship with this person.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto him (as the cause of my fear), instead of realizing that I alone am responsible for my experiences.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as polarity – fear of the consequences of seeing this person in the hallway, and in doing so, create and participate within and as the opposite polarity of feeling safe by not encountering this person.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept self responsibility by realizing that the real issue within and as me is not about what others actually think of me; but me participating within and as thoughts of what I perceive others perceive of me.

Self corrective Statements
• When and as I find myself entering into thoughts of self definition, I stop – I breathe, and bring myself back here in breath and do not allow myself to participate within and the mind.
• When and as I find myself entering into an energetic reaction such as fear, I stop – breathe, and I direct myself to not participate within and as reaction.

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