Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

February 7, 2011

Banning an ex drinking-buddy

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 4:58 am

Yesterday, an ex-drinking buddy of mine text messaged me to ask if I was coming to his 6 year old daughter’s birthday party. My reply was, “Tks but im gona stay around home”. The next text message I received reads as follows, “YOU CAN CHOOSE T TO BE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR WIFE AND YOUR FRIENDS, WHICH AS BAD ENOUGH, BUT NEVER BE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOURSELF AND A CHILD.” To this message, I called him and expressed clearly that I didn’t want to put myself in a position where I’ll be drinking and there will also be “you know what” – meaning, other substances. Here is the next message I received a few hours later read, “YOU ARE WEAK AND YOU ARE A LOOSER! YOU KEEP DISAPPOINTING YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU!! WHY??!! YOUR WIFE HAD A SCHOOL, NOT YOU!! YOU WERE NEVER THERE!! YOUR WIFE HAS A HOUSE, NOT YOU!! SHE’S THE ONE PAYING FOR IT!! GET A LIFE AND LIVE UP TO IT! Although, my first reaction was to respond/attack, I stopped – breathed, and realized that these words are entirely to do with/of and as this person. In other words, I’m still here – not perfectly, but better than I would have been before I began this process. So, I replied in text, “For the meaning of ur words, use self honesty and look at the source of those words- youll find self”.
The last message I received was this, “OF COURSE I KNOW THE SOURCE, IT’S ME, MYSELF AND I OBSERVING YOU AND YOUR DELUTIONAL LIFE, AND TRYING TO BRING YOU BACK TO REALITY! STOP ALWAYS BLAMING AND FOCUSING ON OTHERS TO AVOID FACING UP TO YOURSELF!! WE ALL HAVE A LIFE OF OUR OWN AND WE’RE LIVING IT, YOU DON’T!!

I realize that there is a very high probability that this person is going to fall very hard. Actually, I realized this quite some time ago, but I still couldn’t help wondering if there’s not something that I can do so that he doesn’t have to go through that. It’s like, in one sense, watching in real time, as one suffers/falls only that he may, maybe stand. I have tried in the way I thought most likely to get through to him. But it’s obvious even to me how limited my abilities are – as that which I am trying to convey/teach is still almost entirely, knowledge and information – I’m still not yet living it. In one sense, it’s almost as though he is supporting me by clearly demonstrating to me, how to get to a place, where I am so certain I do not want to go/be. It’s not as though I didn’t receive very solid advice on how deal with this type of person/personality, because I did receive and pay attention to the advice. I’ve just been slow to act upon it – using justification and self-manipulation to support my not completely banning this person from my life. So, till here no further. I am banning this person. It’s something I started to do some time ago, but, I guess it’s like changing/realizing self – it’s a process that moves with one’s self honesty and self will.

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3 Comments »

  1. Banning people who doesn’t want to stand up helps them realize them, so cool!
    Instead of being with people only wanting to be surrounded by people, but not even considering them as one as you. That only compounds shit and makes one fall with the others. thanks

    Comment by Laura Nuñez — February 7, 2011 @ 2:34 pm

  2. Cool point to face

    thanks for sharing.

    Comment by andrewgable — February 7, 2011 @ 6:18 am


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