Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

February 4, 2011

Mind Constructs

I think that I most often write when I have something that equates to positive change within me, or that which I equate to positive change. And today is no different – perhaps. I’ve been working on mind constructs – that’s one of the things that I do these days – and the mind construct that I’m currently working on has to do with my relationship with my wife, Apple. In the nineteen years that we’ve been together, I’d say that (my interpretation) our interaction has been that of opposites trying to change each other, realizing it’s not going to happen, to where we are now – which is kind of like an agreement to accept each-other for where we are now – which is here – at a point – somewhere… So, about the ‘positive” change or progress that I noticed. The point that I’m starting to realize is that within my world, I am responsible for everything – 100%. I noticed this because within writing self forgiveness, I kept thinking, “this wasn’t my fault.” But how can I be the self directive principle if I’m not self responsible? Another thing that I’ve come to realize (but I need to look into it more) is that I am and have been a self-centered manipulator. There have probably been times when I’ve done things for others, but even then, there was always – as far as I can remember – a/the point of self interest, like karma or having someone owe me. So, here within doing mind constructs, the progress that I’m making is in getting to know me. There is another point, but I haven’t tested it out. While I was writing self forgiveness on stuff like, not including my wife in my decision making process, I noticed a change in her. Her communication seemed to become more open. But, was it her changing, or was it a change in me with regards to my perception of her?

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