Thomas La Grua's Journey to Awakening

January 14, 2011

Seeking Justification

Filed under: Writing out the Mind: 2010-July 2, 2012 — Thomas La Grua @ 7:10 am

I’ve noticed through my writing and vlogging that I’m often substantiating or justifying that which I’m speaking / in the process of understanding and or doing. So, why do I feel the need to substantiate what I’m doing? What is it that I’m doing that I feel needs validation from others? Why do I seek validation? It’s the ego – not to to push responsibility on something else because it’s “my” ego. I as ego am looking for others to say, “Wow, that’s cool what you’re doing.” I as ego have been searching for recognition as justification for my choosing an uncertain path which leads to an uncertain destination. And, here’s the irony – that part of me (the ego) which is searching for that justification, recognition, etc., is the (one of the) very parts of me as the mind, as consciousness, that I am, through walking this uncertain path, trying to rid myself of, or more precisely, trying to stand one and equal with so that it no longer moves me. The mind, I’m realizing is supper tricky. So, here it is – self forgiveness on participating within and as ego, in searching for recognition, justification; instead of realizing within myself as life, that I as life do not require recognition, justification, or anything.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as Ego – a construct of the mind – in desiring and searching for recognition and justification from others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within a starting point as ego seeking support, attempt to convince others that the time has come to realize/establish ourselves as life, one with and equal to all – the sum total of the individual expressions of life – that is us – life – as oneness and equality.

Having read what I just wrote, my mind says that I sound like something far out, for which I don’t have an accurate description. However, common sense and simple mathematics tells me that I’m on the path that I want to be on, one that I can live with for a very long time. So, here within practical application, I stand, and no more allow myself to participate/feed the ego by desiring and seeking justification for choosing a path of discovery that supports me as life, as all as one as equal.

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